What have I done?

It's official. I hate running.

I traveled 5 miles this morning. I say "traveled" because I walked most of it. I can't rightly stake a claim like "run" 5 miles, if I didn't at least do more than half of that while actually in the state of running.

After one block my body was already begging "So, you're serious about this? Come on now, let's just turn around and go get back in bed"

After 2 blocks my body said "All right, if you are serious, then I am going to hunker down and concentrate on getting this over as soon as possible."

I ran clear up until about the first mile. I passed some cows. They most likely supposed I was one of their own and saw I was running and instinctively decided that if one of them was running, they had better run too because there is something bad or dangerous around. I caused the whole herd to stampede to the other side of the field. They all got to the far side of the field and looked back at me with confused eyes and said "Mooo" That's what they said, but I am pretty sure they said "Idiot" "Stupid" and "lame". I overheard one of the calves say "Mom, does that man hate himself?" and Its mom said back "Yes my dear, he does" and the calf said "Why?" and the cow responded "I don't know, I don't know..."

Just after the cows I saw something that made me jump. Something very small and black with white stripes on it running and squeaking in fear of me. Little baby birds. Three of them. I nearly stepped on the first one.

It was bad enough that I was dying, now I was about to crush some baby birds. This seemed like a good time to slow down and walk a bit. I walked about 100 feet and kept running until about mile 2.

At mile 2 my knee started throbbing like kettle drum with every step. I've never had knee problems. However, I don't think I have ever run further than 2 miles either.

I mix jogged and ran to mile 3. My body took turns aching in different spots. My legs, my guts, my feet. With my knee constantly aching through all of it. It was like a challenge for my body parts to see who could come up with the most agonizing dispute over this running situation. It was my colon who won.

I suddenly felt the urge to use the bathroom. When you have a load of hay in the loft of your barn and the rafters aren't too sturdy, this isn't the time to be bouncing up and down and rocking the load. I walked to mile 4.

Mile 5 came by mostly walking and short distance jogs.

Well... only 195 more to go. Runners is some mighty queer folk.